Hello,
I hope you’re doing well.
Today’s newsletter is all about rest. It was inspired by two things that happened last week. The first was that I spent 2 days in bed with serious vertigo, yet feeling furious with myself for being too dizzy to use my time productively. (As I type that, I’m realising how insane it sounds).
The second was that I spent a night away on a WiFi-free glamping site in the middle of nowhere and came back feeling like I’d been on a week-long spa retreat. As I described it to my friend Lily, it felt like my whole brain had been hosed down.
It’s obvious to me now that breaks are necessary - from social media, from our to-do lists, from our nagging inner critics.
When my friends tell me they feel tired, burnt out or uninspired, I will ramble on about the importance of self-compassion and recommend chilling out with a book, a bath or a boxset (and sometimes, a bourbon). But I often feel guilty when I do the same.
I know I’m not alone in my struggle to switch off and let myself off the hook. So why do so many of us feel like we need permission to chill the f*** out? I have a few theories:
We need to feel like we’ve earned it
Much like that unhealthy approach to exercise that sees it purely as a way to “earn” our food - ugh - I sometimes feel like there’s an unspoken rule that we have to either (a) achieve something worthwhile or (b) be on the brink of burnout, before we can reward ourselves with rest.
We still get FOMO (even in a pandemic)
I blame Instagram for a lot of things, like spending too much money on Kickstarter campaigns based on cat toys (damn you, targeted ads!). But I still ultimately find it an inspiring place to be. Unfortunately, when I’m in the wrong headspace, the creative work of others just makes me think of all the work I should be doing. There’s no time to relax when everyone else is busy being so damn talented!
We’re underestimating the mental strain we’re under
One of my favourite headlines from The Onion is from April 2020 and reads, “Man Not Sure Why He Thought The Most Psychologically Taxing Situation Of His Life Would Be The Thing To Make Him Productive”. I am that man. Ten months into 2020, there’s still a part of me that believes my inability to complete my novel this year is a personal and moral failing and not a perfectly normal reaction to an insane year.
If you, like me, are feeling this weird pressure to push yourself too hard, here are a few things that might help you.
An article that will make you realise it’s not just you, it’s science
In Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful, scientific journalist Tara Haelle brilliantly breaks down how we’ve all been surviving on our ‘surge capacity’ - the adaptive systems that humans use for short-term survival in stressful situations. But this pandemic is very much *not* short-term stress.
“Our new normal is always feeling a little off-balance, like trying to stand in a dinghy on rough seas, and not knowing when the storm will pass.”
It’s such a good read and she also offers some insight into gentle ways we can help ourselves going forward.
A brilliant podcast episode about tenderness and resilience
I discovered Tara’s article through one of my favourite podcasts - Hurry Slowly by Jocelyn K Glei. In the episode ‘A Call for Rest & Tenderness’, Jocelyn recommends ‘tender discipline’ - not an absolute abandonment of our goals or passions or responsibilities, but a more gentle, compassionate and sustainable approach to the things we want to do - one that acknowledges the context of the world we’re in. She talks about how true resilience means accepting reality and our emotional response to it - not denying it by trying to push harder.
“What happens when the world stops? What happens when our deeply ingrained productive impulse is stymied? What happens when ‘doing’ is not the thing to do?”
She also offers some lovely, simple steps you can take to feel better.
A short read to reassure you that what you're doing is enough
This Version Of Yourself Is The Best One from Anne T. Donahue is like a warm pep talk from a good friend, telling you that you’re doing your best and it’s good enough - in a way that actually makes you believe her.
“You are actively participating in the survival of your world, and you are succeeding at it regardless of how much it feels like you’ve failed or sinking. Feelings aren’t facts, and you’ve made it this far. This person you’ve become is who will ensure you keep going.”
A teacher to explain how our hormones impact our energy
It pains me that it took until I was in my early thirties to grasp how periods work. I blame a school system whose idea of sex education was to show us how to put a condom on a cucumber and send us on our way.
I met Vianney Leigh through Instagram over the summer and I have learned SO MUCH from her about how hormones impact our energy. She’s a big believer in the power of rest and in managing our energy to empower our social activism and creative goals.
That’s all from me this week. As always, thank you for reading and for being here. I would love to hear from you - you can comment below or find me on Instagram and Twitter.
Sending love and virtual hugs.
Stacey x