Hello and Merry Christmas!
Welcome to my last newsletter of 2020.
Please forgive any typos - I’m writing this at 5.30am on Christmas morning, after being rudely woken up by a game my cat likes to play called “Is this my butt or my face in your face?” This has been my morning routine for over a year now.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how 2020 has felt like a year of perpetual homesickness, no matter where you are. Everyone is longing for something far away; whether we’re separated by physical distance, mourning the loss of someone we love or just feeling sad that everything is so different this year, and some things are changed forever.
If you’re feeling like this, please know that you’re not alone.
In a weird way, being an expat for so long - almost four years in Korea, followed by seven years and counting in Dubai - has prepared me for this weird year. I know what it’s like to feel the heaviness of missing somewhere or someone; to try and convey ALL OF THE FEELINGS through a phone screen; and to utterly romanticise the mundane things I once took for granted.
When you're an expat, I think the most common sentence you use is "I can't wait until we can..." And I think it's a sentiment that everyone can relate to right now.
There are two ways I deal with the homesickness:
Allow some wallowing time
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from finally getting into meditation this year, it’s that I have to learn to sit with my feelings, even the hard ones. Last night I watched Pixar’s Coco and thought about how much I miss my family and cried a LOT. I’m 100% sure there will be more crying before the day is done. This year has been sad and hard, and it’s okay to acknowledge that.
Make lists of all the good things
I know what you’re thinking: enough with the gratitude! But seriously, when I think about all the things I appreciate about this year and all of the people I’m so grateful to know, it melts my heart faster than a Mariah Carey Christmas song. I know it’s kind of cheesy to make gratitude lists, but I think we all need some cheesiness these days.
Speaking of cheese…
Once in 2008, on my first visit home after more than a year in Korea, I stood in front of the Sainsbury’s cheese section for a solid five minutes, paralysed with joy by the sheer range on offer. I should mention that, back then, finding really good cheese in the Korean town where I lived was next to impossible. If you saw any in a supermarket, it was like a celebrity sighting - you’d let all fellow expats know and you’d pray it was still there when they arrived.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot because 2020 has given me a new appreciation for so many ordinary things. Like I wrote in my last newsletter, it’s made me more softhearted and open to whatever joy I can find. And I keep thinking, if that was my reaction to a long separation from *cheese*, I can only imagine how insane with happiness I will feel once the world feels more normal and I can travel and see the ones I love. The world will be our cheese section, people!
That’s all from me for now. Thank you so much for reading my newsletter this year. You are awesome. Here’s to good things in 2021.
Until next time, here are some links I’ve loved recently.
A sweet post about a non-sappy gratitude called Five Nice Things. What are yours?
This Twitter thread by Amy Connor that’s a round-up of the funny, silly and moving moments of the last year
Another thread, this time by Beth McColl about how to prepare for a smaller/more isolated Christmas
And finally, one of my favourite lines from Gmorning, Gnight!: Little Pep Talks for Me & You by Lin-Manuel Miranda:
Love you guys.
Love Stacey x
I feel you with the love of dairy products, Stacey! I cried in the supermarket, in the fridge aisle, my first Christmas in Al Ain as I couldn't find double cream! Just followed you on insta and saw you had a substack,xx